Get that out of your mouth!

[WP] Humans are the Japanese of the galaxy. Efficient, and into some weird stuff.


“What are you EATING?!” Ganki said in raw horror.

His three human crew mates froze in unison before looking down at their plates.

“Gelatin…?” Human-Ron said slowly, as if he wasn't sure what the problem was. He prodded it with his spoon.

It jiggled, bright green and transparent.

Ganki squashed down his nausea ruthlessly. “It looks like reactor gel,” he informed them uncomfortably. Really, the humans ate some shocking things- Human-Shang-Mi thought insectoid life was an ideal protein source and was slowly talking her crew mates around- but this was simply disgusting.

Human-Jace looked down into his bowl speculatively, and then laughed. “It totally does,” he said gleefully, much to Ganki’s shock. He jiggled his bowl and snickered. “I should take some down to Brad and see if we can convince Fr’ess that’s what it is!”

Human-Shang-mi giggled, a hand over her mouth as she spooned something white and creamy over her portion, and then ate it with no indication of distaste. “You should try it,” she told Ganki casually. “You might like it.”

“No, I respectfully refuse,” Ganki assured her hurriedly. His digestion was very efficient, but he didn't trust the humans after the incident with something called ‘ice cream’. His stomachs twisted together uncomfortably at the very thought. “I came to see if you had thoughts regarding the particle replicator malfunction?”

That caught their attention and they put their nauseating food aside to scribble busily on the table. (The cleaning crews simply covered the humans’ favored table in washable paint after the first few times they did this. No one could deny that the strange ‘brainstorms’ produced some remarkable conclusions.)

“So, Shang was thinking that if we rewired it-“ Human-Ron said, somehow eating his gelatin with one hand while drawing a remarkably accurate diagram of the particle replicator with the other, “we could put a chunk of the food processor’s programming in there. Add a menu screen and that should fix the problem plus making it a whole lot more functional.”

“But then we were thinking-“ Human-Kelli sat down at the table. Her head-fur was wet and she had a bowl of the disgusting green gelatin. “-if we incorporated some elements of a 3D printer, we could probably add a bunch of new features. Might even make it possible to ‘print’ food if we can pick up the basic components next time we hit a planet.”

“We built a miniature one in my quarters,” Human-Jace grinned. He waved at his gelatin. “The scale model works great. We figure it should size up nicely.”

They built a miniature one. Of course they did. Ganki should have known better than to expect anything else. However- “that sounds like a very interesting project,” he parroted words that every engineer had learned by rout after they started to work with humans. “But before we modify it, the captain would like the original replicator restored.”

Human-Shang-mi waved her hands, foreclaws an alarming shade of blue. “Oh we fixed it before lunch,” she said excitedly. “It was just a couple frayed wires and a circuit bumped out of place. I did the solder-points and Jace reset the circuit. Are you sure you don't want to try the Jell-o? It’s good.”

Ganki shook his head and forced a smile for his strange crew mates. “I respectfully decline,” he repeated. “I will report your progress to the captain- and please refrain from building unauthorized projects in your quarters from now on.”

They gave him a chorus of not-very-sincere accents, and went back to their meal, now eagerly discussing something that sounded remarkably like a new (frighteningly creative) form of explosive.